


...And Protect Me From Myself, Please

by Nothing_can_last_forever



Series: Remember Me... [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Barry Is Not Okay, Depressed Barry Allen, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Barry, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Protective Oliver, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-03 16:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10970694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nothing_can_last_forever/pseuds/Nothing_can_last_forever
Summary: Five times nobody noticed Barry’s self-destructive tendencies and one time they were revealed to everyone. Trigger warning for self-harm, suicidal tendencies and eating disorders.





	1. Wally

**Author's Note:**

> If you are triggered by any of this, please don’t read. If you need any help, please contact Lifeline or any helpline, or you can speak to me on Tumblr at carefulwhatyoudreamxxx.

Barry stands in the empty bathroom, the home alone to himself. Even then, the doors were bolted shut, and the shower running just slightly. He fingers the blade, running a finger over the smooth edge. Staring in the mirror, all he can see is the generic face, the gaunt cheekbones, the hollow eyes, and the fat body. Slowly taking off his shirt, ribs marginally showing. Even then, it wasn’t enough. He was never enough. His stomach shows what looks like old scabs, which had been bleeding cuts only two hours before. Barry once again curses his high metabolism, meaning that what was once his release was now temporary. If his cuts wouldn’t scar, then he won’t eat, and it had been days since his last full meal.   
Grasping the razor, Barry brought it down onto his torso, turning the pale skin red. Again and again, the cuts grow larger and larger, dripping blood onto the tiles underneath him. The pain clouds his mind as continues to hack at himself, tears joining the blood flowing from the wounds. He was never enough, he was never good enough or heroic enough for anyone. Compared to Jay, compared to Oliver, even compared to Harrison Wells, Barry was and is never enough. Joe was right, Eddie was right, Eobard was right. He was just a young man struck by lightning, he was just a monster, and he certainly was just a worthless hero. Sobs tear through his body, causing the razor to sink deeper. Barry relishes in the pain, hypnotised as patterns are drawn into his skin.   
Looking at the thin, frail figure reflecting back at him, Barry gags. He was still too fat, still wasn’t what he wanted. Barry was always selfish, it was his best quality out of them all, but he wanted skinner. If he couldn’t be muscular like other heroes, like all other heroes, then he would be skinny. He would at least try to look like he cared for himself. Already, the cuts from earlier had faded, not even leaving a scar behind. Looking as his flesh knitted itself together, Barry cried harder, feeling the self-loathing welling up inside him. Turning, he punches the wall, crying out as he feels his knuckles cracking and splintering upon the speed punch. Feeling his fingers break, he puts one in his mouth, grasping it with his teeth, and yanks. He yells out with a silent scream, the pain echoing through his body. As each finger is reset, the pain brings relief to the speedster, cracking each knuckle as the fingers heal.   
Grabbing the blade that he had dropped in his rage, Barry once again sets it against his body, thing time on his arms. Stretching out, he starts writing. Worthless is the first word, joined by idiot, selfish, unloved, coward, villain, evil, hated, freak. The words grow smaller has he loses space, his legs collapsing underneath him as he falls from blood loss. His arms and torso burn as he desperately clutches the sink, red handprints staining the white basin. Laughing hysterically, he drags his hands down, smearing a trail down to the floor. A loud banging on the front door brings Barry’s attention away from the pool growing underneath him.  
Wally calls out, the younger man slowly entering the house. Barry hears him clambering up the stairs, and knocking on the bathroom door. He calls out again, this time Barry answering him. Eyes wide open, Barry grabs the bleach out, speeding his way through washing the floor and surrounding area. Within seconds, the bloodstained bathroom was in its pristine condition, even better then before. Barry jumps into the shower, the scalding water irritating the raw cuts. He scrubs at himself, the dried blood flaking off with every harsh brush. Forgoing a towel, Barry pulls on the sweater and sweatpants from before, ignoring the feel of dried blood on the inside of the jumper. Attempting to dry his eyes, Barry opens the door to find Wally directly in front of him, nose wrinkling at the harsh smell of bleach.  
Noticing the boy’s questioning look, Barry quickly claims that he was cleaning the bathroom, and had accidently spilt the chemical. The younger man scoffed at him, glaring as Barry walked past him. Tugging at the sleeves, Barry dumps the clothes into the laundry before following Wally down the stairs. Pushing past the older man, the younger West makes a show of carefully grabbing a plate and getting food, commenting on the appearance of the kitchen. Looking around, Barry’s eyes glazed, causing him to stumble a bit. Wally chooses to ignore Barry, thinking that it was his usual clumsy way. Barry staggers again, only to fall against the kitchen bench.   
Wally is instantly next to him, hands grasping his arms and pulling him up. Barry fights the urge to flinch as Wally’s fingers dig into the cuts, but allows the younger man to lift him. Frantically apologising, Barry falls his way into the dining chair, asking for a glass of water. The water is shoved into his hand, and looking up he sees the concerned face of Wally West. Barry immediately feels guilty, not wanting to burden Joe’s son when he has just been introduced to his family. Thanking the younger man, he turns to leave the house, only to have Wally stop him. The boy stares at him, and attempts a smile. Barry returns it, telling him that he was feeling a little under the weather, and the bleach had caused him to feel even sicker. Wally nods, dropping the hand stopping his foster brother, and allows the speedster to leave.   
Wally wasn’t worried for Barry, the man could look after himself. He did look sick though…Wally set to make chicken soup for the older man, bringing out the ingredients and sets forth to make it. He’ll tell his father, but he was sure that Barry was alright. All he needed was some rest, and Wally’s homemade food to brighten the optimistic man back up. Grinning to himself, Wally starts his cooking adventure, ignoring the bloody rags in the bin next to him. He was fine, Iris and Joe were fine, and Barry was fine. Everyone was happy, in Wally’s eyes.


	2. Team Flash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set right after Team Flash defeats Zoom, Barry is having a hard time processing what is going on. Trigger warning for eating disorder, self-harm, and depression. No Flashpoint.

Barry coughed as he retched into the toilet, bile rising from his throat. Heaving, Barry struggles to breathe as he continues to regurgitate dinner. He felt like he had grown fatter in the past few days where the team had celebrated the victory against Zoom with lots and lots of food. The speedster didn’t feel like celebrating though. He had lost just lost his father, the team had locked him in a metahuman cell, and he had killed himself, albeit as a time remnant. He wished it was him to burn, even though the time remnant was himself, in some way. While they were victorious, he felt like he had lost himself, and he was falling apart faster than before.  
Gagging, Barry washes his face before going out to the rest of the team. Wally was introduced to the world of the Flash, and with it would come the struggles of a normal life. Barry desperately pulled his sleeves down, the cuts from earlier not having faded yet, and the bruises from the fight with Zoom that had yet to heal. But even that couldn’t compare to the emotional pain he was feeling. Yet again, he was unable to save someone close to him, and having his father being killed in the same house, in the same room as his mother by yet another evil speedster made him feel weak and sick. He was so stupid, he trusted yet another person, and that person got people killed.   
Joining Team Flash, Barry faked a smile, before finding a corner to rest in. The encounter with the Speed Force had left both him and The Flash unstable, and the constant fighting for control was physically painful. Even now, The Flash was aching to be released once more, as it was during the fight with Zoom. It wanted peace for itself and Barry, and both The Flash and Barry desperately wanted Oliver. Oliver however was busy in Star City, fighting his own evils. Cisco comes over, the energetic engineer barging into Barry’s personal space with even more food. Barry winces as food is practically shoved into his mouth, and The Flash snarls underneath the surface. While both knew that Barry needed the calories, when Barry didn’t feel well, The Flash grew protective over him. Little sparks of gold lightning flickered, and as Cisco reached for his arm, it shocked the smaller man. Yelping, the engineer leaves his delivery on the nearby table and leaves, muttering about anti-static clothes.   
Noting the looks he gets as he ignores the food, Barry swallows down his discomfort and picks at the pizza in front of him. His throat convulses, and restricts as he chews at the corners but even that is too much. In front of the team, he grows paler and paler until the only colour that remains is the black around his eyes. Caitlin moves closer to him, racing her way over as he drops, body becoming lax like a doll. Grabbing his torso, the doctor calls for the older men. Eddie reaches them first, cradling the younger man and carrying him to the nearby bed. Blinking against the harsh light, the speedster tries to run away, only to be pushed back into the bed by the detectives. Caitlin waits until Barry stops hissing at Eddie and Joe before checking over him. The CSI fights against her, attempting to escape the hold, with Caitlin tugging the shirt away.   
Cuts scatter over his arms and torso, and bruises litter in various places. The speedster’s ribs are prominent, with several broken and misplaced. The doctor sighs at the speedster, disappointed that Barry hadn’t come to her for help. Tightening the bandages over his ribs, she hands him several plates of food from the buffet in the cortex. Seeing the food delivered to him, Barry almost starts to cry. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t go through eating so much. Clutching his arms, Barry uses the pain to keep himself in reality. Breathing heavily, Barry tries not to vomit as he forces the food down. As the next three plates go down, Caitlin grins when the previous cuts and bruises fade into the smooth pale skin. When all of them fade, the doctor allows Joe and Eddie to leave him alone.   
Barry immediately jumps up and races towards the bathrooms, locking the entrance and stall before shoving his fingers down his throat. Silent tears stream down his cheeks as he looks at the unblemished skin, anguished over the healing of his cuts. He hurts, he hurts so goddamn much, and they were trying to take away his relief. Zoom had left his soul broken like he had broken his back, and nothing could help him. After a short while, the only contents rejecting from his stomach is bile. Barry attempts to block out the smell as he flushes the toilet, rebuilding the walls that were broken in his relapse. He didn’t want food, he wanted to be skinny. The pain started to build up from The Flash’s constant bickering, and he finally allows the hold to break.  
Running, The Flash makes it to the cemetery before they kneel down, the gold eyes shining through the dark night. Nora and Henry Allen lay side by side, The Flash stroking each one before laying a single daffodil on their mother’s grave, and a carnation on their father’s. Getting up, they finger their parent’s wedding rings in their pocket, before racing back to Star Labs. The Flash walked amongst Barry’s friends, all oblivious to the change. While The Flash was getting better at social interaction, they wanted to hurt the team like they hurt them. While The Flash and Barry were in grief, the team locked them away. Barry agreed with them, the young man’s turmoil mixing with the conflicted emotions of The Flash. Walking around and interacting with the team, nobody took notice of the constant flicker of lightning in Barry’s eyes, and the way his voice took a harsher tone around them.  
Celebrating well into the night, Team Flash continued to ignore the constant trips to the bathroom, the never-ending changes in personality and the way in which their hero curled into himself. Zoom had been defeated, their world was not in perilous danger from other Earth’s, and everyone was alive. That’s all that is needed. The party continued, and nobody cared.


	3. Team Arrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post season-1, pre season-2, Team Arrow need help with a metahuman in Star City, and Barry is the one who answers.

The singularity had destroyed Central City, and along with it Team Flash. Only Barry remained, pushing Joe, Cisco and Iris away. Caitlin had left them, getting herself a job at Mercury Labs. Barry was happy for her, she had gotten away from him and the evilness that he represented. The remainder of the others had attempted to help him, but slowly they too had left him alone. Barry was barely managing on a normal day with the amount of crime and metahuman attacks tripling in the two months since.   
A call from Star City comes through, Felicity requesting their help from another metahuman finding their way into Oliver’s city. It had been ages since Barry had had a proper conversation with another person, and his speech was interrupted by his constant rambling. Barry sighed, before preparing to run towards the other city. He stumbled, the ground shaking beneath his feet. Breathing deeply, Barry’s vision finally comes clear, and he begins vigorously rubbing his head. He had been feeling ill for the past week, but ignored it in favour of rebuilding Central City at night. Gathering the necessary objects, Barry runs towards Star City.  
The air felt good on Barry’s face, his feet thumping on the ground with a constant beat. The electricity flowing underneath his skin had never felt better, and The Flash hummed in agreement. His was excited to see actual people again, and talk and feel the touch of another person without the Flash persona in place. As the city limits become clearer as the speedster gets closer, the bright lights contradicting the night sky, Barry prepares himself for the onslaught of questions that were inevitably going to come. Felicity greets him at the foundry with a bear hug, the computers illuminating the so-called ‘Arrow Cave’. Barry stiffens in Oliver and Diggle had gone to do their nightly routine, and told Felicity to tell Barry to stay with her.  
Barry complied, talking to the tech genius about small talk, the speedster flinching every time her touch became too much. Every time he did so, Felicity’s face fell more and more before a sombre expression overcame her previous smile. Barry felt bad, he truly did, but he wasn’t up for comforting that day, or any other day really. But he schooled his reactions, and eloped the smaller woman in his arms. Instantly, the gigantic smile reached her face again. Barry tried to smile back, but it turned into a grimace.   
Oliver and Diggle stomped back down the stairs, Diggle bringing the younger man to his chest. Barry stiffened, before forcing himself to relax. Letting the speedster go, Oliver is next. Barry’s heart thumps furiously as the archer hugs him, the speedster praying that the older man doesn’t notice. After the brief reunion, they got to work. Diggle asked about the rest of Team Flash, Barry jumping between facts and forced lies. Focusing on the task at hand, the metahuman was able to influence a person’s darkest thoughts, and act on it. People were murdering each other, committing suicide and causing more mayhem in the city.   
As they were discussing methods to block out the meta’s powers, Barry was tempted to run back to Star Labs. While it was his fault that the meta was in Star City, as he had heard about her in Central, he didn’t want to go through with their plan. Oliver was all for threatening her with his bow and quiver, and delivering her to ARGUS, but he wanted to try something new, and talk to the lady. Kate had borderline personality disorder, and most probably didn’t understand what she was doing, just like Barry at first.   
Oliver relented after a near yelling match between the two heroes, Felicity interjecting once in a while. Suiting up, Barry ignored the way that the room became brighter, how the smell of everything was overwhelming, and that every keystroke from Felicity was going to burst his eardrums. Giving Oliver and Diggle a head start, Barry races his way through the foreign streets. Taking his time, he reaches the address Felicity found minutes before the older men, browsing and checking his surroundings as the archer taught him too. Oliver arrives first, barely acknowledging Barry before kicking down the door, the wood landing on wood creating a harsh sound. The speedster manages not to jump, following the archer through the darkened corridors.   
The lights splutter and flicker as the move onwards, the mouldy hallways reflecting images of dead rats and various bloodstains. Barry presses up closer to Oliver as they go around the corner, disturbing a large rat’s nest on the way. Breathing through his mouth, they reach the final unopened door. Nodding at the hooded man, the archer moves to slam the door open, only to have it swing backward, revealing an empty bedroom. The older man sighs, using the coms to let Diggle know to block all the entrances and exits. Noticing a larger shadow then the rest, Barry races after it before Oliver could get a word in.   
Kate stands in front of him, crazed eyes glaring. Barry slows down, inching his way to the older woman. She was fairly older than the most of the other metahuman’s he had encountered, but the feeling coming off of her reminded the speedster of Grodd. Barry tried calming her down, asking her various questions as the other men made their way to the duo’s position. She listened briefly, coming out of her daze as Oliver and Diggle enter with bow and gun ready. She freaks, shrieking as she sends a black mass of energy towards the older men. Barry pushes the two out of the way, the ball flying him across the room. The woman instantly ends with an arrow in her shoulder, Diggle cuffing her with the metahuman gloves that Barry had constructed for her prior to leaving, which restricted the use of her hands, ergo her powers.   
The archer reaches the fallen speedster first, Barry groaning at the sudden onslaught of conflicted feelings. The urge to self-harm was greater than usual, and the self-loathing and hatred boiled into a hardened ball. He needed to die, he deserved to die. Why should he live, when others, people who were actual heroes, died? Oliver catches the look on his face, grasping onto Barry’s arms before the speedster could race away, only to have a snarling menace take his place. Struggling to keep a hold, Oliver wraps one arm around the other man, placing the handcuffs that Cisco had designed for the speedster onto the whammied male.   
Taking both metahumans to the foundry, Team Arrow wait for the spell to past, leaving behind an exhausted Barry Allen. The others barely take notice of the hollow look in his eyes as they lecture him, the thumping in his chest drowning out their words. He had disappointed Oliver, he could see that in the way the fellow hero looked at him. While Barry didn’t vocalise his affection for the archer, it still hurt to see that he was truly a failure to everyone. Nodding at appropriate moments, Barry instantly runs back to Star Labs, vomiting into the toilet instantly, and letting the razor glide against his skin. They should have let me die. At least, they would understand and not hate me for what I wish, and what I want. Team Arrow continued with their business, Oliver occasionally wishing for Barry to be better, but ignored the obvious signs that something, that someone was not alright.


	4. Legends of Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Links to ...And Make Sure To Love Me. Barry grows more and more desperate as Team Legends stays at Star Labs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late-ish update, I've been flooded with school assignments. But the next one will "probably" be up in the next few days, the latest Friday. I hope you enjoy this one! Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow, The Flash or DC's Legends of Tomorrow, all rights go to CW.

The Legends had received shore leave off of Rip, the Captain complying after the mutiny of his crew. They had arrived at Central City nearing Christmas, landing at Star Labs. After the fiasco with the other teams, everybody was attempting to smooth things over. People were breaking up into smaller groups, and avoiding others. Barry chose to flitter around the various groups, trying to interact with people without having a nervous breakdown. With the Legends staying in town till New Years, the team had decided that the best course of action was to stay at Star Labs, and have the many room be converted into temporary guest rooms.   
With the many celebrations around Central, the criminals of the city had decided to play, with a multitude of them teaming up and attracting the attention of the Flash. Barry groaned as once again he was called away for another robbery, another hate crime, another fire. The harsh snow that fell down did nothing to help, with the cold slowing the speedster’s healing and his movements became even sloppier. The time going between Star Labs, work, crime scenes and home was exhausting, and Barry was going to collapse any day.   
The rain of bullets did nothing to startle him, having been through several before the robbery. It was an expensive jewellery store this time, with the diamonds shoved into bags, and ski masks covering the bland faces of the criminals. The group of five face against him, a few managing to get in hits before they collapse against the ground, Barry tying them together. Sighing, the speedster races off towards another robbery, a bank. This time, Barry feels as the bullets graze and penetrate the suit, but ignores it in favour of punching the man across the face. He feels a sense of satisfaction as the man falls, and the police haul the robber away. Not hearing anything else over police radios, Barry races back to Star Labs. Dragging himself into the cortex, Barry wills himself to the beds before flopping on-top of it, shivering against the cold steel. Caitlin had gone to visit her mother, and Cisco his family. Team Arrow, along with Sara and Ray, had gone to Star City, leaving the Wests, Barry and the remainder of the Legends in Central.   
Settling himself into the hard bed, Barry blinks against the dark spots that appear in his vision. The latest heists by the local criminals were strung one after another, leaving the speedster breathless and in pain from the various injuries he received from them. He recognised the dull pain from his skin healing over bullets, and realised that he was going to have to cut them out himself. He didn’t want to bother the Wests on Boxing Day night, and the Legends were resting after a hard day of drinking. Tears in his eyes, Barry gets ready for the operation.  
Sterilising the wounds and the tools, the speedster steels himself for the first incision. The pain hit him hard, causing an involuntary vibration. Barry gagged against the pain, digging deeper through the soft flesh to find the bullet. He almost screams as the first bullet comes out, limbs trembling as he drops it into the tray. He takes a moment before restarting, eyes burning. A soft gasp brings his attention away from the search towards some of the Legends, who had gathered without his knowledge. Professor Stein races forth immediately, taking the utensils away from the younger man. Ordering Jax and Mick, the two Legends push the speedster against the metal bed underneath him. Holding the squirming man, the duo nod at the Professor as he brings the scalpel down again. Barry hisses, fighting against the restricting arms around him.   
The three Legends almost backed in surprise as golden eyes stared back at them. The speedster bucks against them, not wanting to be restrained, and not trusting the other men. Mick and Jax fight back, holding him down as Stein continues. They ignore the curses that fall from the young man’s tongue, biting their own as he shocks them. After a static shock sends Mick into the trays, Rip comes out to investigate the noise. A sight to see, as he joins the other men in confining the hurt hero. As the last of the wounds heal, and the yellow irises turn back to the normal hazel. The speedster lays against the bed panting, pain pinching the lines on his face. He thanks the Legends, before attempting to run away.   
He only makes it to the computers before he runs into a wall, flying backwards into the desk. The three Legends barely make it to the cortex before Barry tries again, only to yell in agony as fire floods his veins. Looking down at his legs, he notices one of his ankles had broken the skin. The time-travellers immediately get to him, Barry waving them off. He could continue working, it was fine. The other heroes let him go, after he eats a calorie bar in front of Stein. Flashing away, he brings the bar back up before running back to the streets. The pain in his ankle dulls to a subtle thump as it heals in the wrong place.   
Dragging people out of burning houses, handcuffing criminals to posts around the city, Barry breathes in the scent of Central City. He hadn’t been able to cut since the Legends had arrived, and the pain from the cuts and bruises he received from the fights brought joy to him. He knew that the Legends were going to be worried about him once he came back, and he hoped that he would be able to persuade them not to be. After the final robbery, he sat down in a spare room in Star Labs, and wretched the bones back into place. His silent scream was only for him, and watching the skin heals, only leaving bloodstains behind. Barry sits in the room, and laughs at his team, laughs at the other teams, his family and friends, for not noticing. He had done well today.   
Rip, Mick, Jax and Stein stay in their rooms, continuing to drink as the night goes on. Hearing laughter, they laugh too, too drunk to realise the pain and hatred in the laugh. They continue partying, ignoring the crying that comes through the other end of Star Labs.


	5. CCPD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry gets attacked by a metahuman on the way to work, and the CCPD ignore the obvious signs (even though they are professionals)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! Hope you enjoy this one, and the next will be up in the next week or so.

Time crawls to a standstill as the meta comes closer, the enraged ground-controlling man attempting to attack Barry, again. The speedster groans as he is lifted off the ground, and flung into the air. He’s already feeling like shit, and to have a fight before work was stupid. Since Wally had nearly caught him, Barry had taken to doing his sessions once or twice a week, and it wasn’t enough. Racing up the buildings, Barry tries to avoid the rocks being thrown at him. Turning around, Barry lands on the ground, directly facing the metahuman. The man smirks, and shapes a knife from the gravel underneath his feet.   
Sighing, Barry runs towards him, dodging past the various objects being tossed towards him as the metahuman grows even more confused. Once he’s in range, the meta throws the knife at Barry, the speedster letting it slice his arm. It felt good, grazing the cuts from the night before. Running forward, Barry punches the man, feeling the man’s cheekbones cracking under the skin. Pulling back, Barry puts the power-suppressing cuffs on the man, specially designed by Cisco for this particular meta. As he makes his way to the CCPD, Barry begins to feel ill, his head and stomach revolting. Ignoring it, the speedster drops the angry man at the CCPD before speed-changing into his work clothes. For one of the only times, Barry was early to work, earlier than Joe. He would have to be careful, and take care in the lab. Even though everybody knew he was the Flash, nobody had said anything about it, which the speedster was grateful for.   
The pile of work from the days before quickly diminished as Barry speeds through the chemical workings and evidence left behind. He vigorously rubs his arms as the sleeves scratch the cuts from earlier. The pain felt good, but the feeling of raw skin made him even more uncomfortable sitting in the hot lab. Turning on the fans, Barry slowly walks to Captain Singh’s office to deliver the files. Climbing his way up the stairs, he began to feel dizzy and lightheaded, the floor spinning underneath him. Barry ignores it, taking it as a sign that he hadn’t eaten anything in a few days. What did surprise him was the glass shattering as he picked up a vial, and Barry falling into the pile. The sound seemed to echo around the empty precinct and Barry falls unconscious to the sound of hurried footsteps.   
Captain Singh sighs at the sound of shattering glass, normal from the clumsy CSI upstairs. What causes him to panic is the heavy thud after it, and the slight shift of tinkling shards. Ignoring the files delivered to him, David runs for the lab upstairs. The prone body of the young man scares the Captain, who races over to him and heaves the CSI away from the pile. Barry stirs as he’s lifted, barely recognising who it was through his daze. Jumping up, the speedster reaches into the Speed Force and runs the opposite direction- into a wall.   
If it wasn’t a serious matter, Singh would have laughed at the ridiculousness of the scene in front of him. However, the boy in front of him was getting worse and worse, with sluggish movement and slurred comments. Grabbing the younger man by the arms, the Captain guides him down the stairs, with the speedster only attempting to run a few times before they make it to the lobby. Sitting him down, David searches through his pockets looking for Barry’s phone, the man giggling like a drunkard. Singh knew better though, as the high metabolism prevented it, and he was pretty sure it had something to do with the meta-human currently in a jail cell.   
Barry gets a few strange looks as officers walk in, Joe crowding them as Singh unsuccessfully attempts to get the kid’s password off of him. The young hero slurs a word, Cait, before latching himself onto Joe. A detective laughs as she passes by, Joe glaring after her as more officers continue coming to work. Joe finally gets Barry to type in the password, and searches for Caitlin’s number. The doctor is unimpressed with a call so early in the day, but grows concerned as David lists off the symptoms. She orders the two of them to get Barry to Star Labs immediately, only for them to see that the speedster has grown worse. The younger man clutches his arms closer to his chest, mouth pinched with pain. Blood leaks down his arms onto his lap, when the two get into action.   
Pulling the kid’s sweater off was an achievement, with Barry squirming against the heeling of the hands on him. Ordering two of his people, they hold the struggling man down as the sleeves are rolled up. Tiny pale scars litter the skin, coming off from each other like branches. What bought their attention however was the lines of cuts that were over the younger man’s arms, several an ugly inflamed red. After another giggling fit, leading to a heavy wet cough, they finally get an answer out of the speedster. Apparently, they were from the meta in the cell, Rocky as Team Flash had called him. Barry hisses as Joe pokes a cut, tinged with green bleeding into the surrounding blood vessels. Sparks flittered off the younger man’s frame, with the four dragging the nearly vibrating boy into Singh’s office.   
David, Officer’s Morris and Roth eyes widened as golden eyes flash at the four of them. Joe only glares back, allowing time for the blazing orbs to return to the green puppy-dog eyes they were used to. As Barry lifts to leave the seat, both Roth and Morris push back, gently holding the shaking arms, and ignoring the shocks that deliver from the tiny lightning bolts. Barry relents, twiddling his thumbs as they discuss who was going to take him to Star Labs. The two officer’s volunteer, gazing at the speedster with concern as his hands move at super-speed, becoming blurs. Yielding, Joe and David let them go, Morris and Roth each having a shoulder. Slowly guiding the babbling man, they manage to dodge the main parts of the precinct, not without a few good wishes and lucks thrown about. The CCPD cared for their own, and Barry was the younger brother that everybody was overprotective of.


	6. Everyone realises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the four night crossover, the teams and Captain Singh realise what's wrong with the resident speedster. (AU, Wally is not a speedster yet)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter! There will be one or two oneshots before the next series, but I hope you have enjoyed this series, and enjoy the chapter!

The others gape at Barry, horrified. He wouldn’t blame them, considering how he felt. Oliver tries to approach him, tears in his eyes, before Barry runs, racing towards the outer edges of Central City. He had taken his shirt off for a second, when Iris walked in, and stared at the broken body in front of her. Ribs protruded from the skin, thin like a stick. The Lichtenburg Figure on his body was a stark contrast compared to the sickly paleness that seemed to glow. Red lines covered his arms and front, some old, most new, the skin rubbed raw in some places. The other teams came rushing over as Iris gasped, the chocked sounds the only noise as they stared.   
A whimper comes out of his mouth as he sprints away, noting the woof of air behind him as Kara races after him. Gaining speed, the speedster lets the Speed Force guide the way, sliding into an abandoned building with less grace than usual. His clothes smoulder, shoes sparking, but Barry ignores it in favour of letting the tears fall down. He had failed them, and he had failed himself. They were never supposed to know, especially Oliver. Oliver… How could someone so proud, so powerful, so strong, love a weakling like him? Barry was nothing, a speck of dust in the vast universe, while Oliver was the nebula in which they lived in, vibrant and ancient yet so amazing. Barry falls into an undignified heap, clutching his legs to his chest. Ducking his head, Barry sobs into his knees. His body vibrates with the force of the cries, nails digging into the soft flesh of his arms. He would stay in this warehouse, wait for the teams to defeat the Dominators and crawl back like the useless thing he was. But Barry knew he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t leave the others hanging dry. He tried to stand up, legs shaking before he collapsed. Barry burst into tears again, trying to contain himself enough so that he could get home.  
Every time he tried, it got worse and worse. Resolve slowly breaking, he dug around in his pockets before finding his phone, the screen lit from the various texts and phone calls from practically everyone on each time. Scrolling through, he picks Oliver and rings him. The archer instantly picks up, the constant chatter behind him ceasing as he puts it on speakerphone. Heavy breathing comes from the other end, Barry struggling to keep calm. Slowly, like talking to a wounded animal, Oliver asks where the younger man is. A cough is the only answer received, everyone’s patience wearing thinner, expect Oliver’s. This time it’s David who asks, the Captain worried for the hero. An address is rattled off, followed by sir. Oliver and David immediately leave, forcing the others to stay behind, especially the West family. David drives like a madman, sirens on as they quickly approach the place.   
Oliver jumps out of the car before it even stops, running at full speed towards the blown doors. Singh follows, both yelling out the speedster’s name, before the Captain finds him. The young man is rolled up in a ball, desperately rocking back and forth. David yells out to the other man, catching the attention of the speedster he was trying to walk up to. Lightning flashed around the younger man, the one gold eye blazing with red rimes around it. Oliver runs towards them, scooping his boyfriend into his arms and cradling the speedster to his chest. Wrapping himself around Oliver, Barry leans into him, sobbing. Chest heaving with exertion, Barry tries to untangle himself, not wanting his boyfriend and boss seeing him in such a manner. Oliver holds tighter, tears silently falling.  
It takes them half an hour to convince Barry to go back to Star Labs, the younger man shaking with fear and exhaustion. He didn’t want people worrying about him, they had to defeat the Dominators first. It was the only reason why everyone had grouped up, and they didn’t have time to view Barry’s own failures. Oliver holds Barry’s waist as they walk towards the car, fighting against the urge to vomit as he feels the ribs poking through the thin layer of material. He felt so stupid for not realising what was going on, and thinking about the cuts that were hidden by the shirts nearly made him start brawling again like a baby. After Barry had ran, and Kara flew after him, the others stared at the spot he was a moment before, hearing only Iris’s chocked cries. Joe stormed out, followed by the rest of Team Flash and Captain Singh, their representative from the CCPD. Wally looked as if he was going to stay, face blank before he too went to look for his father and sister. The Legends who didn’t know Barry, and Mick, didn’t seem to care while the others looked on with sympathy to Oliver whose fist went through the wall.   
The three travelled slower this time, taking in Central City as Oliver sort of admires how far Barry had ran in a short manner of time. Barry lays in Oliver’s lap, the archer clutching him tightly and refusing to let go. David keeps looking through the rear mirror, happy to finally know the connection between the two heroes, but saddened to see the younger one in such a state. As they crawl, Star Labs comes into view and the shaking from the speedster got harder. The heat increases in the car, with the constant blur of hands causing the duo to become nauseous just looking at them. Oliver takes the hands into his own, gently rubbing them into the speed decreases to a slight blur, and a heavy shake. Stopping the car, Barry looks as if he’s going to run off again, limited when Oliver presses up to him, giving a fake casual smile.   
He’s immediately assaulted, the loud noises and feeling of touches cause Barry to run towards the other side of the room, the dried tear tracks shining in the bright light. Oliver nearly hisses at the others, only calmed when Kara slowly approaches the scared speedster, offering a delicate hand to the younger man. He takes it, and lets himself be guided to sit on the floor with the alien. The teams offer silence, before the young hero breaks. Lightly crying, he tells of how he’s tried so hard to keep going, but it’s useless. The river of words that come from the speedster worry everyone, but they comfort is not enough. They had to deal with the invading aliens first, then help the young, broken man. They would only pray that they would be able to help, and it would be enough for the hero.


End file.
